Way to be brave! I'm proud of you for putting your work out there.My critique: There are too many descriptive details packed into the first page. I'd like to get to know the character better rather than what her work uniform looks like or that a Rite Aid opened up in Hickory. I agree that I'd like to hear more about that engagement photo, too. And maybe if you called them cross trainers people might know what they are. (I knew what you meant, but we never called them trainers. I guess four years later the term wasn't "in" anymore?)I'm so excited for this book, and I'd love to read more. First pages are tricky, but I'm sure you'll get it worked out. :)
Way to go, Robin! You know how much I love this.
Hey you did it! And it's great! There, your skin's getting tough already, right? :)Anyway, my story isn't even finished yet and I'm looking at least at another month before I'll be ready to exchange... so no hurry there. But let me know when you're ready. Look forward to reading more of your story. :)
Glad you found our crits helpful. I always worry a little...and yes! If you'd said cross-trainers I would've known exactly what you meant since I have some! Thanks for allowing Dianne and I to critique your piece :)
First I thought, as in the critique, the narrator is an older one, may in the thirty something. There is not much we know about the narrator other than her special skill. I am curious to know why they are taking the prints and why the narrator don't want to see the smiling faces. Isn't it tells us there is some kind of not-so- good in the relation ship of the lady and her fiance?I can see Robin is arousing curiosity. Keep up the writing. Eagerly waiting to see how it goes.http://www.bindu.ca
I really enjoyed reading this! Like some of the others who've commented I think the voice in the first paragraph reads a little older than YA. It might have something to do with her ability to compare things to types of cheese? But I love the premise of this and the fact that she's stuck in Rite Aid is so perfect and giving me all sorts of flashbacks of HS. And I definitely want to read on!Love your blog and story, new follower!!
Thanks for following! I'm glad you liked my premise-it has been so fun to write Lovesense. I've had it in my head for over a year before I wrote it for NaNo. Current plan-take out the cheese (although I am in love with that 1st paragraph) and get to the engagement photo faster.
Hi Robin, I don't mind the first page as it is now. This is your voice and style of writing. What I really like is the concept of knowing what is going on just by looking at pictures. Just from the concept and the first page I can't tell in what cases she'll use this ability in yoru novel. There are so many directions that you can go, looking at picture of a married couple, looking at a picture of a woman who was just killed ect. An extention will be of her going beyond looking at picture, by taking a camera and shooting pictures of people that she likes to know what will happen to them. Does her power apply to looking at pictures on websites? I hope that you have some moments in the novel when she regrets having this power, but can't get rid of it. When you'll post a query, I'll know better. Good luck.
So proud of you, Robin, and you know how I love your first page. Also, I love the gorgeous new photo of you on your blog!!
Hey! I found the first page of your WiP over at High Spirits and Mainewords. I really enjoyed it, though I did agree with the comments that it would have been nice to see the girl's thoughts on the pictures. Good luck with the rest of the story. I'll be following your blog now to see how you get on.
I wasn't sure where else to put this, so I'm putting it here. I nominated you for the Versatile Blogger Award. You can see where I did so here: http://caitlynbyers.com/2012/05/08/hey-look-at-that/Caitlyn Byers
Love it! I commented on one of the blog, can't remember which! But seriously, it's wonderful!