I should be sleeping.
No really, I need to be sleeping because real life is going to hit any second.
But I can't.
I'm obsessing about my first ever Insecure Writer's post.
If that isn't the epitome of insecure I'm not sure what is.
Here I am, joining a group of people who post their fears, stresses, terrors of failure in the competitive world of writing, and I'm worried what readers will think of my post.
I'm over analyzing.
Again.
If my computer was cooperating and I organized my photos better I could find the full-size picture of my little photo on the left side column. You would see me in the foreground and in the background sunning on an SUV, is a lion, the king of beasts. And if I enter his enclosure he might tear me to pieces.
Right now the querying world can feel like that lion's enclosure. I can stay safe on the outside of the fence, continuing to write new stories, to revise old ones, to watch my friends braving the lion's den (query), but I need the courage to jump the electric fence and take the beating that will come with querying. My parania thinks this will happen: dissecting of every word, laughing at my poor comma usage, deciding my characters aren't nearly as quirky as Lola, as tough as Katniss, or as smart as Kate Grable (even under the pressure of a zombie apocalypse).
Or even worse-they might never read a single word.
Especially if I don't start putting my writing out there. No matter how scary I think the lions could be.
But to query, I have to LET SOMEONE READ MY BOOK.
(I know what you're thinking-if I can get the agent request a full, but just go with me here)
My fear-letting the world read my writing, and tearing it to pieces. What if my skin isn't thick enough? What if I can't handle the emotional roller coaster. I'm focusing on my new MS instead of revising Lovesense. I'm telling myself I'm giving it a rest so that I'll have more perspective, but what if it's because I'm afraid of letting the lions maul my baby?
My words NEED to be out there. I'm practicing positive self talk and I tried for a First Impressions slot on Dianne Saleni's blog. I got this Friday-am I scared? Pooping my pants terrified.
I love my CP's and my hubs, but they know me, they're nice to me because of, well, because they know me. But Friday-strangers (she has 300 followers) will be reading my first page.
Terrifying.
Thrilling.
Nail Biting.
And hopefully *crosses fingers, toes, and eyeballs* what I learn will help me perfect my 1st page and have a better experience when I begin facing the lions.
What small steps are you taking to conquer your writing fears or tame those imaginary raging lions?
Insecure about posting insecurities--classic. :) Good for you for going for it this Friday. You'll be just fine. Baby steps. Just think, one day we'll look back and laugh at those pish posh querying days. :)
ReplyDeleteWell I'm too insecure to join the Insecure Writers Support group, so what does that say?
ReplyDeleteWriting posts like this would be harder for me than getting my work read as I'm more insecure about my blog writing than my fiction writing. Silly--oh well.
Good luck with Friday's post.
Ilima-looking forward to laughing with you.
ReplyDeleteSuzi-sounds like you'd be perfect for the IWSG! I'm still getting a feel for my blog-I'm paranoid about posts too, but learning to be myself, one baby step at a time;)
Yay. Good for you. I totally know how you're feeling. How can I join this club? Join? I could be the president of this club!
ReplyDeleteclick on the IWSG on the right side, it'll take you to the sign up/info:)
DeleteYou'd post the 1st wed. of every month.
Good luck, glad you went for it!! I just got to get the words out of my head!
ReplyDelete-MJ her from the support group http://creativelyspiltink.blogspot.com/
Hi MJ! Thanks for stopping by and following me! *going to check out your site*
DeleteHi :)
ReplyDeleteJust stopping by from the Insecure Writers Group.....great first post honey :)
Xx
LOL: sorry, but you sound so normal for a writer. I've had all those fears too, and then some. I love your Lion photos, and analogy for the query world. Pushing that send button is scary and exhilarating.
ReplyDeleteYou'll do fine Robin :)
Nice to meet you.
.......dhole
I don't know if I should be relieved or terrified that I sound "normal for a writer"
DeleteNice to meet you too Donna:)
I love this, Robin. You are FUNNY at 3:41 a.m. (But then, you are always funny!) I loved this post. Good luck on Friday. You're first 250 are so good, you should have no worries. I actually find criticism from strangers is easier than people I know. Go figure. I'll cross my eyeballs with you about Friday. :-)
ReplyDeleteThanks for participating in IWSG. I found your blog from there. I wrote about my insecurities today, in my blog. I am not a writer like you. Just putting the words out in my mostly crochet blog.It is nice to know there are other people just insecure as I am.
ReplyDeletehttp://www.bindu.ca
I am curious about your book, which project are you talking about? I wish you the best of luck with it. I know it can be terrifying to put your work out there, especially giving it to strangers. I am scared myself! You are doing a brave thing.. and moving one step closer to your goals.
ReplyDeleteAndrea
Yep we all feel that way, and those tough crits and rejections are torture at first, but then we get used to it, and scrape up whatever helpful feedback we can find and use it to make our stories better. I've come to look at the query process as just that--an op to receive feedback from a true professional.
ReplyDeleteThis is the first step to publication -- letting someone read your words. Hope Friday went well for you!
ReplyDeleteDarling post! It made me laugh because I've been where you are. Several times. In fact, I'm still there. I'm about to go even further this month - and it's truly terrifying!
ReplyDeleteThe craft of writing starts off in a cozy little "my characters and me" world, and, in the end, we end up exposing ourselves (pardon the term) to strangers, friends, and family alike. Not easy. Good for you for pushing through, though! Good luck; I'll have to check out the post! :) BTW, glad to have found your site!