It's 3:41 am.
I should be sleeping.
No really, I need to be sleeping because real life is going to hit any second.
But I can't.
I'm obsessing about my first ever Insecure Writer's post.
If that isn't the epitome of insecure I'm not sure what is.
Here I am, joining a group of people who post their fears, stresses, terrors of failure in the competitive world of writing, and I'm worried what readers will think of my post.
I'm over analyzing.
If my computer was cooperating and I organized my photos better I could find the full-size picture of my little photo on the left side column. You would see me in the foreground and in the background sunning on an SUV, is a lion, the king of beasts. And if I enter his enclosure he might tear me to pieces.
Right now the querying world can feel like that lion's enclosure. I can stay safe on the outside of the fence, continuing to write new stories, to revise old ones, to watch my friends braving the lion's den (query), but I need the courage to jump the electric fence and take the beating that will come with querying. My parania thinks this will happen: dissecting of every word, laughing at my poor comma usage, deciding my characters aren't nearly as quirky as Lola, as tough as Katniss, or as smart as Kate Grable (even under the pressure of a zombie apocalypse).
Or even worse-they might never read a single word.
Especially if I don't start putting my writing out there. No matter how scary I think the lions could be.
But to query, I have to LET SOMEONE READ MY BOOK.
(I know what you're thinking-if I can get the agent request a full, but just go with me here)
My fear-letting the world read my writing, and tearing it to pieces. What if my skin isn't thick enough? What if I can't handle the emotional roller coaster. I'm focusing on my new MS instead of revising Lovesense. I'm telling myself I'm giving it a rest so that I'll have more perspective, but what if it's because I'm afraid of letting the lions maul my baby?
My words NEED to be out there. I'm practicing positive self talk and I tried for a First Impressions slot on Dianne Saleni's blog. I got this Friday-am I scared? Pooping my pants terrified.
I love my CP's and my hubs, but they know me, they're nice to me because of, well, because they know me. But Friday-strangers (she has 300 followers) will be reading my first page.
And hopefully *crosses fingers, toes, and eyeballs* what I learn will help me perfect my 1st page and have a better experience when I begin facing the lions.
What small steps are you taking to conquer your writing fears or tame those imaginary raging lions?