If you follow my blog you know I've been sitting on a story for over a month. I started it for my NaNo last year, and while I did crank out the WC, I didn't finish my 1st draft until the end of December, and not because it was 100K either. This had been me:
Dianne K. Salerni asked me a great question last week after my IWSG post. What about your manuscript scares you?
It was the first time I really evaluated what is scaring me about this story. Here's what I've come up with so far.
1. It's a very different book than I thought I was writing. I'm a pantser, and while I fully support pantsers and champion some of the greatest writing pantsers of all time *waves to Stephen King* I have plotter envy.
Last fall I wrote out 10 book ideas and with the help of the brilliant and talented Julia Weber, I narrowed my ideas to 3, and then settled on Gutter Girl, another light and funny YA magical realism that would be a good 2nd book to sell with LOVESENSE. Gutter Girl was going to have a bowling ball that started acting like a magic 8 ball among other things (go ahead and laugh, I am).
But as I drafted Gutter Girl in crazy fast NaNo fashion the magical bowling ball wasn't working. I wasn't feeling the story. Even to me, it wasn't believable (not a good sign). So, in my tradition I kept writing forward, but took out my magical element.
My book became straight contemporary.
And things got real.
And I said to myself, I'm not Sarah Dessen, I can't write straight comtemp. that's not who I am.
2. Because it's such a different book it needs a complete rewrite, but beyond that, I'm not even sure if it's a book worthy of tackling. Hence the writing depression.
3. I have an agent, so I'm supposed to magically become the greatest, best writer of all time. I should be churning out books at least half as fast as my CP Taryn, and at least almost as hot as my CP Ilima, with characters as powerful as my CP Emily, and words as beautiful and grammatically clean as my CP Kathryn. But although I write about magic, no magical changes came. I'm still the same messy draft, wandering through my stories, picking through the crap and finding the gems as I was before I signed with Julia.
After making this list last week I determined to read through of my MS, to take notes and find my story. I'm half-way through and it's not nearly as bad as I'd feared.
Thank you writing community for getting me back to my story, back to where I crave to be, dreaming and spinning stories and getting to know my characters.